The Fundraising Story Your Board Is Hearing (That You Didn’t Mean to Tell)

Once again, I was recently asked: “Why does my board avoid fundraising?” It’s a reframe of a common question. I always hear something underneath it, self-blame.  It is as if the Executive Director was quietly asking, What am I doing wrong? I told her, “It may not be your fault. And it may not be your board’s fault either.” She looked at me, slightly puzzled. I said, “It might simply be the language we’re using.” 

Here’s what science tells us: your brain is constantly scanning for threat or safety. This is driven by a part of the brain called the amygdala, whose   job is to keep you safe when something feels unfamiliar, pressured, or risky. The amygdala flags it as a potential threat. And what happens next? You hesitate, you avoid, and you shut down or disengage. (Sounds like what the board does.)  That’s not a motivation problem, it’s a biological response. 

Language Is one of the fastest ways to trigger a response. Words are not neutral. When your board hears: 

• “We have to ask.”

• “You need to bring in money.”

• “We’re behind.”

Their brain doesn’t process this as strategy. It processes it as: pressure, risk and possible rejection. Which then activates the stress response. Even if no one says it out loud, the body feels it; heart rate shifts, the energy drops and avoidance begins. 

When you change the language, you change the signal the brain receives. Instead of threat… you introduce safety and connection. 

For example: 

• “Let’s thank our donors.”

• “Who can we share this story with?”

• “Let’s invite people into this impact.”

Now the brain interprets something very different: 

✔️ Social connection ✔️ Meaning ✔️ Belonging 

Here’s the beauty: we humans are wired for connection. When something feels relational instead of transactional, the nervous system settles. 

Remember, in a previous article, I mentioned the vagus nerve and that it runs from your brain stem through your body and how it plays a major role in regulating stress. When you feel safe, connected, and at ease: 

• Your thinking becomes clearer

• Your voice becomes more natural

• Your willingness to engage increases

But when you feel pressured or unsafe: 

• You become guarded

• Your thinking narrows

• You avoid the very thing being asked of you

So if fundraising language feels like pressure, your board’s nervous system is literally working against participation. 

If fundraising is framed as: 

• obligation

• performance

• asking for money

The brain resists. 

If it’s framed as: 

• connection

• gratitude

• shared purpose

The brain opens. 

We know many fundraisers enjoy fundraising. They enjoy the conversations, the relationships, and the outcomes. Once you understand this, you can’t unknow it. Your language begins to change. You stop saying: “My board won’t fundraise.” Instead say “My board hasn’t experienced fundraising as safe and meaningful yet.” Feel that difference? One triggers frustration. The other activates leadership. 

Next time before you ask your board to fundraise, pause and ask yourself, “what does fundraising FEEL LIKE when I talk about it? Because your board isn’t just hearing your words, they are experiencing them in their body and nervous system. 

This isn’t about blame, it’s about biology. It’s simply the language we are all using. Once you see that, you gain the ability to shift. Here’s another simple reframe, instead of “we need to ask for donations” try “lets connect with someone who cares about this work.”  It’s the same intention with a very different experience. 

Language doesn’t just describe fundraising. It creates the emotional environment your board steps into. And when that environment feels safe, human, and meaningful…Participation is no longer something you have to push. 

Let’s Build Better Boards Together 

Because I was once that board member too! Even with a career in sales, fundraising didn’t come naturally to me. That’s why I understand the struggles your board members face—I’ve been there. For over 10 years, I’ve been teaching clients, working with both boards and leadership, practical evidence-based strategies to move boards forward and take action to fundraise. I bring neuroscience, quantum physics, and both private and nonprofit sector knowledge. Feel free to reach out to me to talk about your board Let's Talk 

Turn Your Board into a Fundraising Partner, is a program I’m offering in May, all the details are here https://www.upliftingnonprofits.com/your-board-a-fundraising-partner